


House Sitting Gone Wrong (Not Clickbait)

by SlitheredFromEden



Series: Peter Parker Part-Time Avenger [4]
Category: Deadpool (2016), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Deadpool being Deadpool, F/M, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Identity Reveal, Non-Binary Wade, Peter just wanted to have a nice calm day, Trans Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-08 07:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11641491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlitheredFromEden/pseuds/SlitheredFromEden
Summary: Tony relies on Peter, Ned, and MJ to house sit his penthouse.What he doesn't rely on is Deadpool dropping by driving the teens crazy.





	House Sitting Gone Wrong (Not Clickbait)

**Author's Note:**

> OMG "Trans Peter Parker" is a legit tag now!!! I'm hella proud of this fandom !!  
> Thank you all for all the love my last piece received ♡ you're all so great !!  
> Anyway, enjoy part 4!!

Peter opened the door to Mr. Stark penthouse stepping aside allowing his two friends in first. The place was huge, and everything in it is most likely very expensive. Peter didn't know what to show them first; the art on the walls, oddly shaped yet pretty pottery, or that awesome flat screen TV. 

"This is.. wow just wow," Ned breathed out. "I never wanna go home," 

"I know right," Peter grinned. 

"I still don't know why he wanted you to watch this place," Michelle looked around suspiciously. "Doesn't he have high tech security?" 

Peter shrugged, he hoped he looked nonchalant about it. Michelle doesn't know he's Spider-Man, and Peter isn't ready to tell her yet. "I didn't ask," 

Michelle eyed him as she walked towards the kitchen. Ned leaned in close, "Dude, she's onto us. Her eyes were looking straight into your soul," 

"It's a little unnerving," Peter agreed. 

"Peter there's a note here for you on the fridge," Michelle called out. 

Peter walked over to the kitchen and plucked the note from beneath the Iron Man magnet. 

 

_Peter ( & co.),  _

_Don't break anything Pepper is very fond of her things._

_I left my credit card on the coffee table buy takeout._

_Stay out of my personal bathroom/lab/don't bother FRIDAY! (she isn't your personal google)_

_DON'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE A PARTY IN MY MANSION! I'll know if you do. I see all. I know all._

_I'll be back early tomorrow morning don't burn the place down._

_-Tony :)_

 

Michelle shared a look with Peter. "Well that was... something,"

"Let's not worry about that, " Peter crumbled the note tossing it aside. "Let's enjoy the experience," 

The experience turned out to be watching _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ on TV, ordering three different types of take out (they couldn't decide with one), eating ice cream straight from the carton. Peter wasn't complaining. 

But with Peter Parker peace and happiness is always short lived. His enhanced senses discomforted him which most likely meant something totally unfair was about to happen. He looked over to his friends who's attention was glued to the television screen. Peter hoped it was a false alarm. Peter really wanted it to be a false alarm. 

But no. 

The universe was always finding new ways to make Peter's life difficult. A person with two huge katanas on their back jumped from from the ceiling. Well, more like dropped while shrieking. 

"Woah! I didn't know Iron Dick had triplets," the sword welding maniac commented. 

Peter winced at the very dislocated shoulder, "You okay?" 

"This?" The stranger poked their arm. "It'll heal. I think." 

"Do we look like triplets to you?" Michelle snorted once her shock wore off. "We couldn't be more different," 

"Hey," the guy put his hands up in defense. "I don't judge," 

Familiarity clicked in Peter's mind, "You're Deadpool! That mercenary!" 

"It's always great to meet a fan!" Deadpool exclaimed. "Wanna selfie?" 

"M-mercenary?" Ned stammered. "Are you here to kill us?" 

"Nah," Deadpool shrugged plopping himself onto the couch. "I got a policy against killing kids," 

"That's good, I guess,," Michelle let out a sigh of relief. "To think I was going to die in a room with Peter and Ned," 

Peter took a deep breath trying to remain calm, "Not to be rude, sir-"

"They," Deadpool cupped Peter's face with one hand. "Them/they are my pronouns, kiddo," 

"Oh, sorry!" Peter apologized breaking loose. "Not to be rude, but why are you here?" 

"Boss man or was it boss lady..." They rubbed their chin. "Forgot to ask. I'm here to formally invite one Peter Parker to the first annual LGBTQAAHV." 

Peter's features scrunched up, "The what how?" 

"Lesbian Gay Trans Queer Asexual Alliance for Heroes and Villians," Deadpool recited. "We're handing out free dildos and condoms at the door," 

"Should you be advertising dildos to minors?" Ned furrowed his brows. 

"I kill people for money not a child's role model." Deadpool explained stubbornly. 

"Is that supposed to convince anyone?" MJ put her hand on her hips."And who is your boss? How'd they know Peter?" 

"Hey, like I said before I don't judge. That I can't tell you because of Client confidentiality,"" 

"Okay-" 

"Alright, alright!" They laughed. "I'll tell you. Only because you're begging me." 

"I wasn't begging!" Michelle 

"Yes you were. Just a little bit," Deadpool pouted. "But you were." 

"Who's your boss?" 

"Loki," Deadpool rolled their sleeve and carved the layout of tic tac toe onto their arm. "Who wants to play? I'm really good at this game!" 

"Deadpool, don't!" Peter snatched the knife. "You're getting blood all over Mr. Stark's couch."

"Geez, Spidey, you don't have to be a dick about it," They yanked their knife back. "Besides, I can color the furniture red. Iron Dick wouldn't know the difference." 

"I'm pretty sure the smell of blood would give it away," Ned said. 

"Then you think of something! I'll be playing my game," They cut a sloppy 'O' into their skin beside another sloppy 'O'. 

"Are we just going to ignore them calling Peter 'Spidey,'?" Michelle looked exasperated. "And their boss is the same alien that tried to invade New York?" 

"Uh, we can try," Ned shrugged. 

"Ned! Nice looking out for me," Peter snorted. 

"Sorry, Pete," Ned apologized. 

"Peter, are you Spider-Man, or Deadpool is just insane?" MJ crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm, uh, I mean it's true," he took a deep breath. "I'm Spider-Man," 

"I need to sit down," She looked over to the red soaked couch. "Maybe later," 

"Oh! I know what we need." Deadpool pulled out both of their swords. "I'll just stab another sofa to distract Stark from the bloody one,"

"Deadpool, no!" All the teens cried out, but it was too late. The mercenary was already cutting through the cushions with manic laughter. 

"All done," They smiled proudly. "Whaddya think?" 

"I think you should stop before I redislocate your shoulder," Michelle snapped. "How was that supposed to be a good idea?" 

"A least I'm trying to contribute!" They stomped their feet with a pout. "It's like what I do is never good enough for you! I think we need to break see other people," 

"We never met before today, and we aren't even dating," Michelle was fuming. If the situation wasn't serious Peter would've been laughing because he's never seen her lose her cool. "And this is all your fault!" 

"You right," They nodded. 

"We still have a mess to fix," Peter pointed out. 

"We? Sorry, kids. I'm not a part of your problem," Deadpool reclaimed his seat on the blood stained couch placing a third 'O'. "Fuck yes! I win, you lose Spider-Man." 

"YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!" Ned and Michelle shot back as Peter face palmed, "I wasn't even playing." 

"Don't come at me because Stark didn't breast feed you before he left," scoffed Deadpool. "If you want breast milk I know a few people on Craigslist." 

"Dude, that's nasty," Ned gagged. 

"Can't you ask Friday to order us new couches, Spider-Man?" Michelle side eyed him. 

"Friday, if we order new couches what are the chances they'll arrive before Mr. Stark does?" Peter asked the A.I. 

"Less than ten percent," Friday replied. "Does this classify as an emergency? Should I alert Master Stark?" 

"Did she really call him Master?" MJ wasn't impressed. 

"No, no!" Peter shouted then pulled out his phone. "Umm.. Karen? What can I do to fix this?" 

"May I suggest instant kill mode?" She offered. 

"For the couches not Deadpool!" Peter groaned in frustration. 

"Spider-Boy, are you attending LGBTQAAHV or not? I need to get back to Loki for my paycheck." 

"Fine! I'll go! Just leave!" Peter sounded in defeat. 

 "Great!" They put two thumbs up handing him a card. "It was fun! Thanks for inviting me," 

"We didn't.. You know what? You're welcome, dude," Peter smiled tiredly. 

"Mind if I take this? No? Okay," Deadpool grabbed Peter's Thai food and dug in. "Make sure you RSVP. Loki hates when people don't." 

"Okay, will do," Peter breathed out. 

Deadpool found themselves out. Michelle turned to Peter, "As Spider-Man, I believe you should take all the blame for everything they did." 

Peter nodded in sorrow, "Friday, call Mr. Stark." 

"Dialing Mr. Stark," Friday confirmed. 

"Peter, this better an emergency... WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" 

Pepper appeared on screen, "Who's blood is that? We're on our way!" 

"It's not ours!" Peter shouted. "It's Deadpool's blood." 

"You let in a mercenary into my penthouse?" Tony questioned. "Seriously?" 

"Um, no. Actually we don't know how he got in here.." Peter's voice trailed off. 

"They dropped from the ceiling!" Ned added. 

"They?" Pepper raised a brow. "There was more than one?" 

"No, that's Deadpool's pronouns. Them/they," 

"I'll be there in a few," Tony replied. "Don't do anything stupid." 

Then went dead. After a few moments of awkward Michelle turned to Peter. "Sooo .. How'd you become Spider-Man?" 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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